Tired. Overwhelmed. Living.

So here I am. Finally getting to another blog post. And I am stressed. I know, that’s totally weird and out of character for me to be stressed. But I am more stressed than usual. And I am more stressed than I was expecting and stressing out about being when we were contemplating all the craziness that is currently stressing me out.

 

We are moving. Because small minded people tend to influence other small minded people, career prospects are limited for my awesome husband as a result of “The Incident” (see previous post for hints but not explanation….that comes later!) even though The Incident was my fault and not as simple as people would like for it to be.

 

But, I digress.

 

So, we are moving. Away. Not 1000s of miles away but about 1.5 hours away from our awesome home and even further away from my awesome family. I am thrilled that J has found a new position in an area that is excited to have him, and I am even more thrilled that he has found a new position that will allow him to continue to make the world a better place. He needed that. His heart was absolutely broken by the cruelty he saw following The Incident. He has always been such an honest person. He believes that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. He is who he says he is. He believes everyone else is the same way. Over the past 18 months, the world has broken his heart and he realized that not everyone is honest, not everyone is kind, and not everyone is as understanding as he is. On the flip side, we realized that we have some of the best, brightest, and most incredible friends anyone could ever have the honor of knowing. J will do amazing things in this next phase of our lives, just like he always has.

 

And there I go. Digressing again. Back to the stress.

 

Moving. Because I feel that 90 miles is too far to commute on a daily basis, I am looking for a new job. This is something I haven’t done for 8 years. It sucks. It’s hard and it’s time consuming. It’s like a part time job, and I am having a really hard time doing this part-time job of finding a new job while trying to do a good job at my current full-time job. Whew. And I tend to try to be whatever people need me to be, rather than just being honest about what I need, so that’s a scary thing when interviewing.

 

My partner is gone. Not gone, gone, but not currently present. The partner who could throw that load of laundry into the dryer since I forgot and left it in the washer or who could mow the yard this afternoon since it’s the only time in the next 10 days it’s not supposed to rain or the guy who could drop off a bill payment or stop and get some milk because I forgot to or pick up our daughter or meet me for lunch when I had a bad day or meet me to ride our bikes for an hour because I didn’t really want to train. That partner is 1.5 hours away. And it sucks. Waking up extra early to drop G off before I go to work or making plans to pick her up or trying to clean house while spending quality time with my sweet, wonderful daughter who will never be 4 (and a half!!! She always reminds me) ever again or trying to ride on the trainer while she wants me to put the diaper back on her baby over and over is really a bit of a stress I wasn’t expecting at this particular moment.

 

Riding the trainer. Yuck. Had I known that I would have a part-time job finding a new job and looking for a new home and (kind of, but not really) being a single mom for the 3 months prior to September 28, I wouldn’t have signed up for the damn Ironman. As you might have noticed from previous posts, my training isn’t going as well as I would like. This (as I knew prior to signing up) training is a part-time job. And it is not getting quality work from me. Today I got to do my hour ride with some of the best company out there (Love you, B!) but tomorrow I get to swim for 1:15 BEFORE WORK. Ugh. Then bike 3 HOURS after work. Then pick up G (after a shower, I hope) and drive to J where we will spend the weekend in the absolutely cutest little room ever where he is getting to live right now. I will, unfortunately, miss the Michael Franti concert in Nashville (He is amazing. Go see him. Listen to him. He is just… wow.) The next day we will get to hang out and have brunch at The River Café. And G and I will drive home so that I can get up early the next day and do a 2:30 run before work.

 

I’m already tired.

 

No real inspirational message here. No words of wisdom. No specific encouragement in this post. Just me being whiney and tired and stressed. Letting you guys know that we are all stressed sometimes. Some of you are dealing with problems much bigger than mine. But we are all dealing with something. The next time you see someone sigh or look tired, give them a smile. We all need it.

 

(I thought about editing this stream-of-consciousness post, but decided to leave it as is.  My mind can’t focus on anything long enough to organize thoughts, and a streamlined, edited post would never get done.  Better messy and coarse than never, right?!)

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